Love is Love. Most of us desire to be in a loving healthy relationship where you both are equally yoked. Let’s talk about how being in a relationship can be a distraction in an unhealthy manner, which some people do not talk about. Let’s get into it on this fine Friday.
When you’re in a relationship it’s important to not lose yourself, or lose sight of the dreams and goals you set out for yourself prior to getting into a relationship. You and your mate may not have the same goals or aspirations, and that’s not a bad thing, but it’s important for you both to have your own identity and have goals that you want to accomplish outside of your relationship.
When you first start out dating we call that the honeymoon phase, right, so it starts off fun, exciting, you can’t wait to talk to that person, you’re wondering when you get to hang out again. It’s a wonderful feeling of meeting someone, you vibe together, there’s chemistry there so of course, you want to make time for that person. But before you met this person you had a routine, you did things accordingly so that you stay on track and you’re focused. You can then become sidetracked if all you can think about is this person.
When you are dating someone who is busy and goal-oriented as yourself it’s a good thing, right?! Well, yes of course, but when it gets to the point of you cancelling things, or putting things off for “tomorrow”, or “later”, and next thing you know those things are not being done because you’re spending all your time with this person, that’s a problem.
On the other hand, you may be dating someone who is content with where they are in life and doesn’t necessarily make long term goals for themselves and just live day by day going with the flow. Then there’s you, being that person who is a go-getter, you like to stay busy, you have goals to accomplish, you are successful thus far in life. This person you’re dating expects you to text all day, be available for every call that they make to you, make plans to do things on the weekends when those were your rest days or days that you may work on your side hustle outside of your main occupation. What do you do? How do you compromise? Can you comprise? Is it worth it?
When we’re dating, and we’re in the capacity of wanting a long term relationship we do make time for the things we want out of that. But listen, one can not stay up all night on the phone talking until 2am if you have to be up at 6am, let’s prioritize. If we like this person of course we want to spend quality time with them, and even include them in the goals that we set for ourselves. Of course, you should be with someone who wants to see you do good and excel in all the things you want out of life, right?
What can happen is it can start off subtle, and passive as you tend to make more time for this person and not realize you’re putting off the things you want to accomplish to please this person. Also, this person may not even complain about how busy you are, but they just may express how they can’t wait to see you when you get off work, or they may become irritated when you can’t text them all day during your work hours. You have to be mindful of the little things, pay attention to the actions, and also listen.
When you are dating someone with no goals or ambitions of their own, it can be draining, and mentally exhausting. For these types of people yes they may work but like we mentioned before that’s all that they do, nothing outside of that. Not to mention they may not even have friends, so it’s just you and their 9-5. Then there’s you, you have your circle of friends that you like to hang out with once a week or once a month as you should.
When you’re a good person, and you have a vibe that a person can’t get elsewhere, you become their addiction, they crave you and want you around 24/7 and that can be toxic. As adults we should all have things in life we want to accomplish and we should never be content with just working and that’s it, we should want more for ourselves.
As women we’re natural nurturers, caring, giving, and we want to please our partners as we should but we are also individuals who should maintain their identity outside of a relationship. A person wanting you around all the time, well I mean there’s no money being made just laying around all the time, and money is being spent all the time if you’re planning outings and going places.
Whether you’re in a relationship or not necessarily looking for a relationship, codependency is not what you want, you should have interdependency. If and when that relationship ends you’re left to pick up the pieces, and you may then feel behind on your goals because you kept putting them off for this person.
Have a great weekend! Share this with a friend!