Today I celebrate another year on this Earth, another year around the Sun. I am thankful but I’d be lying if I said I’m not disappointed I am not able to celebrate
All Month I’ve been procrastinating on writing a blog post. Some days I’m motivated to write, and other days I am not.
Since March 17th my salon suite has been closed. I am fortunate that I did return to my 9-5 position in February prior to the mayhem and that I am able to work from home, otherwise I wouldn’t have an income and I don’t know how I would be able to keep up with daily life. Late this week funds ran out for the SB Loans and many of my friends did not receive funding and I am sad for them because I can only imagine the stress.
I miss my suite daily, I miss my clients daily. I miss performing services and conducting business as an entrepreneur. My clientele was just beginning to rise and we were flourishing into Spring.
It feels like a movie that we are in and nobody knows the ending.
My anxiety has been up and down and there is no such thing as a quick store run. At one time I didn’t leave the house for 4 days because I have a phobia of people and being in small stores and people not obeying the 6 ft rule. You really have to be strategic and think of all the things you need and limit yourself to how many places you go to and don’t forget your masks.
For my birthday my sister and I had plans of going out of town for the weekend at the beginning of April.
Every year we celebrate our birthdays together because we are a week a apart. The day before our birthdays we go to one of our favorite bars and bring in our birthday at Midnight. This year we couldn’t do that. I am grateful to be healthy and to be alive but I miss being able to do small things. I am a home body but it’s different when you’re ordered to stay home and there aren’t stores, restaurants, bars, or malls open.
In my last blog post I mentioned that I was dating someone well that was short lived. We were friends before we started dating but I felt as though that person was moving too fast and I refuse to go along with what someone says or wants and to disregard what I want. I’ve been single for a long time and I know what I don’t want and I know when I have a gut feeling to trust that shit.
Being as though I have been single for quite sometime, I am use to being by myself. I am use to it just being me and not having to include anyone in the decisions I make, or being able to have my space and not talk to someone everyday or be around them all day.
At the same time, I am a relationship person. I like intimacy, I love good conversation, I enjoy date nights. I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t expect to not be engaged and pregnant this year.
We all have a plan for our lives and we know things never go as planned. Every blog post I try to always encourage to never settle in life no matter what it is. I’m always transparent with my audience as much as my anxiety allows.
I know this post is supposed to be about my birthday and being grateful but this is actually what I do, every birthday I reflect on the year thus far or the previous year and what I want to change. It’s also like an open diary so you all can relate, judge, and see what I have been up to.
I fell in love with someone that was my best friend when I was 16 years old and that feeling never went away until some years ago. That’s who I thought I would have my forever with. But life happens and you grow apart, you make decisions that’s affects everything and everyone.
Then I was in a relationship with someone for five years and we had our wedding date picked out to the color scheme to the names of what our kids names would be. But life happens and things don’t work out.
I’ve seen my close friends get married, have kids, shit most of my siblings have kids and I’m the favorite aunt. What I’ve learned is that everything happens for a reason, you are where you are supposed to be right now in your life. Everyone has their season and right now it may not be your season.
Thank you all for continuously reading my blogs and following me on social media. I appreciate the support.
Cheers to my birthday!