Last week I came across a post on Facebook from a fine fella whom stated facts about what I have been thinking and feeling for the last few years. It’s crazy how when a male says something it’s conveyed differently than when a woman says something. Brian Bolden stated “…it’s okay not to deal with a man if he is not financially capable of taking care of you and it doesn’t make you a gold digger…you have a choice…”
:Disclaimer: This can apply to both men and women. However ladies we have to do better.
Here are the key points made in the video by Brian Bolden that I took away from it:
Life is not about struggle we’ve done that already. People feel as though when you’re with someone from rock bottom to the glow up that makes you wifey or a real one. You don’t have to struggle with someone to justify you’re the one for them. If you’re doing okay for yourself why wouldn’t you want someone on the same caliber as you or better.
If he is in his thirties and he is not where he needs to be. The year of the thirties we all should have some sense of stability. We should be working towards the fruits of our labor. We shouldn’t be just going with the flow. If he is in his thirties don’t go into the relationship saying “it’s okay he’ll get there”, no you need to see him there before you join him and he gets comfortable.
It is not your job as a woman to build with a man. I agree with the saying , “teamwork makes the dream work” , but there are levels to holding a man down. He needs to hold himself down and then be able to hold you down and vice versa. People have this “ride or die” mentality that if a woman isn’t there to build you up when your down, she doesn’t deserve you when you’re at your high points. I’m sorry not sorry I don’t agree with this.
If the man doesn’t have the necessary tools to build what is the conversation about. D.L. Hughley posted on Instagram, a woman who pays $1800 a month in bills isn’t interested in a man texting her “what you doing”, and I shouted on that note. Don’t allow people to waste your time. Don’t allow people to ride your coattail. If you know what you bring to the table he should be bringing things to the table as well. It’s a joint venture , it shouldn’t be one-sided especially in the beginning.
If he isn’t financially stable to give you the world you’re not obligated to deal with him because you think he’s attracted or you love him. I’ve felt strongly about this ever since my last relationship and as I get older. Your desires change , your standards change. When you evolve and you become in love with yourself and you know your worth you deserve as such. When you have standards you want to make sure your expectations match what you have. You can’t expect someone to make this amount of money but you don’t have a job. You can’t expect a man to have a car if you don’t have your license. You feel my drift. Guys too , tend to have double standards and that’s not okay. Yes I am single and have been for the last four years and by no means am I rushing to find a guy because I know I’m not where I want to be in life and I don’t want a man who barely meets my standards just to say I have a man in my life.
As a man I would marry a woman who wasn’t doing okay for herself. Woman have to drop the mentality that they don’t have to bring anything to the table but ass and boobs and a pretty smile and a man will take care of her for the rest of your life. You can not feel a sense of entitlement when you don’t bring anything of substance to the table. The man is not your father he is your partner there is a difference.
I would love to hear what you think share your comments below and thanks for reading!
Check out the five minute video here